Saturday, December 31, 2005

My Last Day Of 2005


It’s been one of those monotonous days, but I wouldn’t call it uneventful. I kept myself entertained.

First off, I woke this morning with the memory of a dream. That in itself was so exciting… I don’t know if I just don’t dream at all or simply don’t remember, but it’s been ages since I’ve ever recalled a dream. The dream itself was both amusing and weird. In my dream, one of the hooks that hold up my shower curtain kept becoming unfastened, and just as I would fix it, another one would come undone. It was actually quite irritating!

Next, I created a new game… or rather modified an old one. You remember that old child’s board game, Operation? Well, that’s what I played this morning, but with a twist. I removed the light bulb from the lamp, turned the switch on, dropped a nickel inside, and tried to remove it with some tweezers. It’s truly amazing how accurate one can become when a high voltage electrical shock is the consequence of making a mistake!

I drove down to the gym today to find it damn near a ghost town. I would have expected it to be at least somewhat busy as I’m assuming most people will make the new year’s resolution to get in shape or lose weight. I don’t understand that though. Why wait until a future date to make a change in one’s life? Why not make the change immediately when you decide you want to change something? That’s why I don’t do new year’s resolutions. Throughout the year, when I decide to change something, I just change it then. Why push it off? Whatever! Anyway, all the supplements were 30% off today, so I stocked up!!!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

MySpace

My slogan new for 2006: “A different kind of company… a different kind of Frank!”

So I opened a new MySpace account, thanks to Ron. Now, I’m not really worried about becoming too addicted to it like many others simply because I’m already online all the time (that is when I’m not at work or at the gym.) I'm already quite addicted to the internet in general.

I look at all the people I went to high school with and I honestly don’t recognize nearly a single person. It’s really amazing how much people can change over the course of seven years.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

James Blunt - You're Beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.
Because my car was, for lack of better phrasing, severely fucked up, I’ve been driving a Chevy Malibu rental car from Enterprise… hardly a comparable model to my Eclipse, but so be it, that’s life! My car won’t be ready until sometime after January 20th. I really don’t mind this rental car at all. It’s a smooth ride… gets me from point A to point B with no problems (point A being my home, point B being work… an entire 3 mile distance!) I really miss my XM though! The FM radio just sucks! There’s not a decent variety of anything to listen to. Austin, TX being the self proclaimed live music capital of the world, it has a downright awful selection of radio stations.

Anyway, as I’m driving around today in my pimp rental car fumbling through FM stations, becoming agitated that there’s nothing to listen to, this song comes on. I’ve heard it several times before on XM, but I only really listened to the sweet melody… never really paid much attention to the lyrics, until today. I really like this song a lot… it doesn’t remind of any one in particular situation, but rather several over this last year and even years past… both happy and sad memories. It’s a very vivid image of hope and despair.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Chronic Of Narnia

I haven't watched Saturday Night Live in ages, probably because I don't watch TV anymore... anyway, this is a pretty funny rap song they made.



Sunday, December 25, 2005

Memorable Movie Quotes Of 2005

It's just occurred to me that I didn't actually see as many movies as I normally do this year... anyway, here are some quotes from 2005 movies that more or less sum the year up. I'm sure there are more that are just as accurate or even better, but I'm exhausted and am only putting the ones down that come to mind. I also only put one quote per movie even though several of these movies had multiple appropriate quotes.
  • "I can feel your anger... It gives you focus... Makes you more powerful" - Darth Sidious / Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
  • "I know the rage that drives you. That impossible anger strangling the grief, until the memory of your loved one is just... poison in your veins. And one day, you catch yourself wishing the person you loved had never existed so you'd be spared your pain." - Henri Ducard / Batman Begins
  • "You can know all the math in the verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down, tells ya she's hurting before she keens. Makes her home." - Malcolm Reynolds / Serenity
  • "You know what it's like getting up every morning? Feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man. But, at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you." - Albert / Hitch
  • "Hell's waking up every goddamn day and not even knowing why you're here" - Marv / Sin City
  • "Now is the time that we must choose between what is right, and what is easy." - Albus Dumbledore / Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
  • "I've got to be more careful where I park this thing." - Willy Wonka / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
  • "Have you ever broke something so bad that it can never be fixed?" - Will Stronghold / Sky High
I've had a lot of bad luck with my car this year... broken clutch, rear ended, two tires exploded, car alarm from hell, replaced dead battery. The story of my car troubles came to an end for the year on the morning of Sunday, December 18 sometime between 6:00am and 6:20am when a crazy bitch came crashing into the driver's side of my car (my door to be exact) at 50 miles per hour. No, I wasn't killed or even hurt for that matter, although I probably should have been one or the other (this simply just continues the myth/lore/legend of my immortality.) Anyway, the following movie quote truly brings my year to a close; however, it's not from a 2005 movie.

"Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car." - The Dude / The Big Lebowski

Five For Fighting - Superman

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird...I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It’s all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy...or anything...

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
I’m only a man
Looking for a dream

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...

It's not easy to be me
What attracts me most to any given comic book is simply how I can relate to one or more of the characters. X-Men was always a great comic simply because there were so many characters to choose from… I could really relate to almost each of them, but probably Wolverine the most. My inner demons could always relate easily to the Hulk. I could understand Peter Parker’s geekiness and teenage dilemmas. I know what it’s like to want to hide one’s ugliness and self-image like Dr. Doom. I understand how anger, hate, and revenge can take control of your life just a Batman. Etc...

Most of all I can relate to favorite comic character Superman… which is probably why he’s my favorite. No, I certainly can’t relate to the super-powers he has, but I definitely do understand the burdens that he must endure… the loneliness… being way different from everyone else… always being expected to be a source of strength for others… feeling that there’s really no one to run to when he’s in pain or is the one who needs to be saved… having one key weakness similar to kryptonite that can destroy him.

Anyway, I always thought that this song was great because I think it accurately tells the pain that Superman feels… the pain I feel.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Josh's X-Mas Surprise

I thought it would be interesting to post about the Christmas gifts I got for Josh because they're not your typical holiday gifts. I went ahead and gave them to him tonight.

Josh's first gift was a battery powered dildo with multi-speed control. That thing really vibrates quite hard! The funniest part about this present is the fact that Josh isn't gay, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he'll give that dildo a test drive! At the very least, I know he'll place it on his coffee table at his apartment simply to make his roommates feel uneasy. I'm also sure he'll take the opportunity to dick-slap some people with it!

Gift number two is a cock pump. No guessing is required on this one... he'll definitely try this one out! This too will most likely end up a center-piece on his living room coffee table, but not before getting some serious use! LOL!

New Shades

My poor old Ray-Bans were starting to give up on me. One of the lenses constantly pops out and the nose pieces are wearing off. Yesterday while at the mall, I stopped by the Sunglass Hut. I got a sweet pair of some MauiJim sunglasses... by far the best I've ever had. Absolutely wonderful!!! They are so incredibly light and extremely comfortable! Here I am earlier today sporting the new sunglasses!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Superman Returns In Print

Hell, now I have to find some time so that I can go out and get all these magazines!







Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Fushigi Yuugi - Itooshii Hito No Tame Ni



Densetsu ga ugokidashite The legend is beginning
to unfold.
Hontou no watashi ga The real me unfurls.
hirogaru
Tooku hibiku wo ai ni Distant echoes of
"I Love You"
Anata ni michibikarete Lead me to you.
Mezamete-yuku tamashii Awakening spirits
Hikaridasu mou hitotsu Begin to shine to
no sekai another world.

Itooshii hito no tame ni For the sake of my beloved,
Ima nani ga dekiru ka na? Now what can I do?
Kanawanai yume wa nai yo! There aren't any dreams
that won't come true!
Massugu ni shinjite'ru I truly believe.

Ten to chi no aida ni aru I'm absorbed in the
breath-taking adventure
Mekuru meku bouken That lies between Heaven
ni muchuu and Earth.
Egao misete ni hao ma Smile and say "Hello"
Anata ni mimamorarete Watched over and protected
by you
Ai wa hikaru seiza Love is the shining
constellations.
Omoidasu mou hitotsu I remember another miracle.
no kiseki

Isshou ichido no deai A once in a lifetime
encounter.
Tamashii ni kizan de ne Please engrave it on
your soul.
Donna toki datte ai wa Because I think that
love will
Sukui da to omou kara Always be our salvation.

Itooshii hito no tame ni For the sake of my beloved,
Ima nani ga dekiru ka na? Now what can I do?
Kanawanai yume wa nai yo! There aren't any dreams
that won't come true!
Massugu ni shinjite'ru I truly believe.
First off, I want to be perfectly clear that I do not understand the Japanese language one bit. So I did not translate this one on my own… hence, if there are any errors, I wouldn’t have a clue. This translation was not easy to come by as I’m guessing that it’s not a big thing for people to post a lot of info on anime songs.

Anyway, I haven’t listened to this song in ages. This song was the love theme to a fantastic anime, Fushigi Yuugi. (Side note: Fushigi Yuugi is the absolute best anime I’ve ever seen in my life… I remember watching for the first time several years ago and just getting completely absorbed by the story. I think I watched both seasons of it for two and half days straight through… very long anime!) While I never knew the exact translation word for word of the song, I clearly understood the meaning.

For me, the song is both very assuring and very sad. While the lyrics themselves appear to be very uplifting, the melody is quite somber and even sorrowful… in fact, I think it’s played more during tragic parts of the anime than anywhere else. Anyway it reminds me a bit of my life… I feel that there’s a lot I should be happy about, but there’s always an underlying sadness that I typically keep hidden away.

Anyway, great song and wonderful anime. I highly recommend Fushigi Yuugi to anyone, even if you're not into watching animes. It's just not your typical anime... just an absolutely awesome story!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Tis The Season For Goofing Off

For those of you fortunate enough to have never worked a retail job during the holidays, I just want to make this perfectly clear… it really sucks!!! Not only do the issues increase exponentially, but the customers are obscenely ruder (so much for the Christmas spirit) and all of the store associates are sick with the flu / cold. So many things trying to make life absolutely miserable! This being said, we still try to have fun nonetheless!

Here are the holiday standing orders for the CSA’s (customer service associates) that are posted at the customer service counter:



I catch Carla in my office (aka Frank’s Fortress of Solitude, aka The Citadel, aka The Crows Nest, aka The Imperial Tower). I love my office because it’s perched over the customer service counter and gives me a great view of the sales floor… so I can essentially space out up there for hours, yet still maintain the appearance that I’m keeping track of everything going on. Anyway, back to Carla… she was checking her gmail or hotmail account on my laptop and was bitching about all of the spam she was receiving (primarily porn spam!) As she thought I was only taking a picture (always a big mistake), she divulged that she actually enjoyed watching porn (and I got it caught on video!)


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A customer brought in a broken printer for us to diagnose. After careful examination by Josh’s keen eye, he informed the customer that the printer was broken. They bought a new one and left the broken one with us. Josh decided to take this broken printer into the warehouse, take it up on the stockpicker, and drop it! (I didn’t take this video, Nasty Nate did… so I don’t know why he felt the need to shoot it sideways!)


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Later on back in the roadshop, Dirty Jose and Hunter decided they would place small objects on blaring subwoofers and watch these little trinkets dance!


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Sean decided to jump out of a big box and scare Beverlee... unfotunately, the box was taped up so securely after Sean squeezed into it that his plan didn't seem to work out as he had anticipated... hell, he just needed out to get some air!

Friday, December 16, 2005

Reviewing The Year

I know the year isn’t quite over yet, but I can’t help but to sit back and reflect on it for a bit. This last year was not great by any means of the imagination, but it wasn’t the worst one either; however, overall I have to say it wasn’t at all what I was expecting. There was definitely much more sorrow and pain than happiness and joy. I can’t decide on a worst moment simply because there are entirely too many candidates to select from, but I can clearly say I know what the best moment was… it was when my mom offered to give my ferrets a home so I wouldn’t have to lose them.

I don’t really believe in “right” or “wrong” choices… to me there are numerous levels of “good” and “poor” choices. A “good” choice is logical one where all of the consequences, positive and negative, are considered and accepted regardless of the outcome. A “poor” choice would be one that is illogical or where one is not willing to accept the consequences of the decision. Well, that’s my philosophy on the matter anyway.

I don’t feel I made many “poor” choices this year. In fact, I’m proud of the fact that I probably made more “good” choices this year than ever before. It just so happens that many of those “good” choices had very bad outcomes that have taken their toll on me throughout the year. I don’t believe that a bad outcome or having to accept the negative consequences of a decision makes it a “poor” one… I just didn’t expect to have to pay the price of the negative consequences so many times over and over again. In retrospect, I don’t think I would have changed a single decision that I consider to be a “good” choice simply because it had a horrible outcome. So it is nice not to regret anything over this last year.

The only resolution I really have for next year is that I would like to have a clear path for my life. Whether the path is difficult or easy to walk is beside the point… I just want one that I can see. And I hope next year is happier than this one.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Leo Sayer - When I Need You

When I need you
I just close my eyes and I’m with you
And all that I so want to give you
It’s only a heartbeat away

When I need love
I hold out my hands and I touch love
I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day

Miles and miles of empty space in between us
The telephone can’t take the place of your smile
But you know I won’t be travelin’ forever
It’s cold out, but hold out, and do I like I do

When I need you
I just close my eyes and I’m with you
And all that I so wanna give you babe
It’s only a heartbeat away

It’s not easy when the road is your driver
Honey that’s a heavy load that we bear
But you know I won’t be traveling a lifetime
It’s cold out but hold out and do like I do
Oh, I need you

When I need love
I hold out my hands and I touch love
I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day

When I need you
I just close my eyes
And you’re right here by my side
Keeping me warm night and day

I just hold out my hands
I just hold out my hand
And I’m with you darlin’
Yes, I’m with you darlin’
All I wanna give you
It’s only a heartbeat away
Oh I need you darling

So I’ve been asked on numerous occasions “why” I place certain lyrics on the blog… what’s running through my mind as I post them? So going forward, I’ll add some commentary to the end to each song’s lyrics that are posted, unless I either just feel like discussing the situation or I feel that the lyrics are self-evident enough.

I finally got to see The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe tonight at the Alamo Drafthouse. Great movie! I’ve been a huge fan of this story for God only knows how long. I originally saw this story (The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe) in a cartoon format over 15 years ago… then in middle school, I read the entire C.S. Lewis saga, The Chronicles of Narnia.

I love the entire story. It’s set in the imaginary world of Narnia, where animals behave a lot like humans, time is irrelevant, good and evil are so clearly defined, etc… Like most fiction I love to read, it’s in a wonderful world where anything is possible… it’s my only true, yet temporary, escape from this world. It’s fascinating that a make believe world can be so comforting.

Anyway, it just so happens I stumbled across this song on my way home from the movie tonight while flipping through channels on XM. Much like The Chronicles of Narnia, this song describes a wonderful fictitious world that I’ve never really known, but it’s nice to get lost in the lyrics… to escape reality for just a brief moment.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Star Wars Gangster Rap

Here's a pretty funny Star Wars flash... oldie but a goodie!


Click here to play flash movie!



Friday, December 09, 2005

What If...?

A few days ago I was rummaging through my closet trying to find anything that may need to be dry cleaned. During my search, I ran across something I haven’t seen in years… that in itself is absolutely amazing because I just recently moved a few months ago, so I should have seen it at some point during the process packing or unpacking… but I didn’t. It appears to have been hidden between some old dress shirts that I haven’t worn in years. In retrospect, I probably should have taken it to get dry cleaned when I found it because if I remember correctly, the last time I had it on I think I may have accidentally got some traces of hydronium (the cation that naturally occurs in water) on it… actually it was probably a weak acid monohydrate produced from ionization by the hydronium. I think if it were pure hydronium, it would have eaten away at it over the years.

Oh, “it” was a white lab coat. My mom got it for me early on in college, back at a time when I had plans on studying to becoming a doctor. I’m not really sure what specifically derailed me from that path. Perhaps it was a mixture of loneliness, depression, alcohol, etc… Whatever the reason, I’m clearly not a doctor at moment. I do wonder “what if” sometimes, more so recently over the last several weeks. The fact of the matter is that I don’t have to wonder “what if”; I’m still young enough to return to that path that I abandoned years ago.

I’m very conflicted on what to do though. When I put the white lab coat on and look in the mirror, I see the person that I should be. What’s holding me back from becoming that person? I definitely have the mind for it… I don’t really have a personal life, so I won’t really be sacrificing that… I do have a powerful drive (sometimes beyond even my control) to be the best… so why don’t I just do it? Maybe it’s because I feel that there are times in life you mess something up so much that it can never be fixed… maybe I’m beyond repairing what I’ve already damaged in my life.

Michael Smith - Place In This World

The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled
A heart that’s hopeful
A head that’s full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems
Feels like i’m

[Chorus:]
Looking for a reason
Roaming through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

If there are millions
Down on their knees
Among the many
Can you still hear me
Hear me asking
Where do I belong
Is there a vision
That I can call my own
Show me i’m

[Chorus x2]

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Today's Moment Of Zen

Today was a pretty miserable day at work, for entirely too many reasons; however, my team is already winning our little store-to-store contest by a ridiculous margin (over 2 to 1 victory so far… probably 3 to 1 after today)… so that’s a plus!

Despite the rest of the shitty-ass day (mental note to self: I desperately need to get a refund from God for my wasted time today)… I give you today’s Moment of Zen…

Jeremy took Josh and me to see the new house he was purchasing today. We waited in the model home for the real estate agent to return with the keys to Jeremy’s new house. As we waited in the model home, Josh noticed some holiday stuffed animals in the corner under a Christmas tree.

Here’s Josh getting comfortable with one of the stuffed animals (I think it’s a big mouse.)

One thing lead to another, and Josh was caught in a compromising position with the stuffed mouse. It appears that he’s doing his American Psycho sex scene impersonation.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

My Big Fluffy Hat

It was a bit chilly out today, so I’m sporting my special hat this morning... well, it really belongs to Josh, but it's currently under my stewardship! Not that I'm communist by any means of the imagination, but I just love this hat. I typically refer to it as my "Uncle Buck Hat."

"Do you think it's the hat? No? A lot of people hate this hat. It angers a lot of people, just the sight of it. Ah, I'll tell you a story about that on the way to school." - Uncle Buck (John Candy)



Friday, December 02, 2005

The Thrill Of The Fight

Back when I was a sales manager, there were many avenues to becoming the best in the district/region… exceeding sales budgets being one the key goals. So everyday, I was trying to prove I was the best. There was always some means of measuring success from one sales manager to another… and for the most part, I always was the best. I had to be the best… something inside of me that I can’t even control drives me to win (sometimes even at all costs)… I’ll get to that more in just a bit.

My current job has no means of competition. I mean, all I really do is oversee and protect the store’s total net operating profit, which includes payroll, inventory, store maintenance, etc… in addition to being second in command. So there really are no means of being the best in the management position I’m currently in.

So for the most part, my time in this position has been rather boring. If I’m not trying to be the best, I become completely apathetic. For the last couple months, I’ve felt pretty devoid of emotion anyway, so the growing apathy at work just makes things worse for me personally.

Anyway, another store in the district (my old store) and my staff are having a competition this month. It’s basically my operations staff performance on selling extended warranty versus theirs.

Most people who know me have really never seen a truly dark side of me… one of the darkest being my cut-throat, vicious, and absolutely cold-hearted competitive streak. Probably only my immediately family and maybe a few friends have ever seen my true untamed and savage nature while in competition.

First off, winning is never enough. I only accept total domination… complete victory. The goal is never simply to just beat the opponent(s)… it’s to completely obliterate them. Like I said, this isn’t really a side the most people have seen of me… people definitely get glimpses of it when they play even the smallest of games.

Take the game of RISK for example. It’s a simple board game of world domination. Each player starts off with the same number of armies and countries. The object is to invade other players’ countries and take them over. Whoever takes all the countries wins. Simple enough, right? Nope… not for me. I usually sit back and amass my armies to absolutely ridiculous sizes… sometimes overpowering all the other players 50 to 1. It’s not just a matter of taking their countries… it’s the psychological breakdown of their confidence. I want them to see that it’s not only improbable for them to beat me, but impossible. We never even finish the game because everyone quits when they feel there is no possible chance of beating me. I must attain complete dominance.

Hell, even when I taught fencing at the University of Texas… anytime we had a tournament, I was just plain vicious. The object is to achieve a touché (essentially a hit) on the opponent. Best two of three wins the match… since that ends pretty quickly, we usually played best three out of five. Easy enough… just get three touchés and you win the match. Not in my strategy. I would never allow an opponent one hit. I would just parry for about three minutes straight (an eternity in fencing). This not only defeats the opponent’s confidence, but it takes a toll on them physically… after doing 30+ lunge attacks in a single match, one’s legs begin to become very fatigued and sore. After I felt that I had them mentally and physically defeated, I would go ahead and attack… one after another until I had my three touchés, never evening allowing them to catch their breath or rest for a single second. Again… proving I’m the best and establishing complete dominance.

So I ask myself… does this brutal competitive streak really bring the best or the worst out in me? I obviously perform my best at these times, but am I a horrible person for my cut-throat manner of winning? Something in me just changes during times of competitions... the thrill of the fight... something unrestrained and primordial... is this just a part of me that I keep supressed... is this my true nature? I don't know. What I do know is that even being consciously aware that my competitive nature makes me down right malicious at times, I still know that I will win this competition… I also know that my margin of victory will be extremely enormous... leaving my opponents overwhelmingly obliterated.