Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Embarrassed Bush

I was looking through my extensive video archive for some videos that I've not had the chance to post up. This one's pretty funny... but for that matter, anything I've got on Dubya is bound to be funny! What a jack-ass!


Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Humor Style

the Cutting Edge
(61% dark, 57% spontaneous, 21% vulgar)
your humor style:
CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK


Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's
something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making
people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't
themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or
are seriously over-the-top.

Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi




The 3-Variable Funny Test!

- it rules -


If you're interested, try my best friend's best test:
The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece



My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 70% on darkness
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 46% on spontaneity
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 16% on vulgarity
Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Thursday, May 18, 2006

What Video Game Character Are You?

Ok... one more from Ron...

Which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Are You?

Taken from the bassman himself, Ron...

Take the quiz:
Which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle are You?

Leonardo
You're mature and get the job done. You are a natural born leader, and normally want to be the better of the group. You take your job seriously. You must! It may NOT be a game. When you select a sport, or something you want to do, you train continueously, constantly trying to perfect it. You're always prepared for a challenge, and are normally found one step ahead of your enemies. Loving family more than life itself, you are a good friend, and can be depended on at all times.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Which ArchAngel Are You Most Like?



Which ArchAngel are you most like?


Michael. You're most like the ArchAngel of Defense. You like to hit things, and you like naked people, preferably cute naked people. A real down-to-earth angel who likes frogs and is easily distracted by bright, shiny things.
Take this quiz!



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12684 other people got this result!
This quiz has been taken 320961 times.
4% of people had this result.

Monday, May 15, 2006

The Muppet Personality Test

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know.
You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems.
Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green.
Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Melissa Manchester – Don’t Cry Out Loud


Baby cried the day the circus came to town
Cause she didn't want parades just passing by her
So she painted on a smile and took up with some clown
While she danced without a net upon the wire
I know a lot about her cause, you see
Baby is an awful lot like me

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all

Baby saw that when they pulled that big top down
They left behind her dreams among the litter
The different kind of love she thought she'd found
There was nothing left but sawdust and some glitter
But baby can't be broken cause you see
She had the finest teacher - that was me - I told her

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost made it

Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings
Fly high and proud
And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all
Today marks the one year anniversary of this blog. In some ways the year went by all too quickly; in others it seemed to just drag on miserably. I remember that day as if it were yesterday… in fact, I remember just about any given day pretty vividly. So let that be a note for many of you: If I tell you I don’t remember something, I really do… it’ll just be for one reason or another I just don’t want to talk about it.

Since I typically remember most days pretty accurately, I don’t ever really read this blog. Once I post something, I’m pretty much through with that particular post (unless I’m commenting on a comment.) So today, I actually went back and read every post. I look back on the list I posted on 8/20/05 of things I wanted to accomplish by year’s end. Some were completed, some weren’t.

• “Swimming… I love to swim. I need to get into a routine where I’m swimming on a regular basis. I’ve always found it to be completely relaxing!”

Status: Incomplete. I always forget my swimming trunks when I’m at the gym. For that matter, I have no freaking idea where they currently are, so that’s the root of the problem. I just need to stop being lazy and purchase some new ones!

• “I need to get some discrepancies removed from my credit report. From what I can tell, the two negative items on it are not accurate. I’m really close to having a superior credit rating; I just need to retain some legal services to get these inaccuracies removed.”

Status: In Progress. I don’t have it completely fixed, but I did get it cleaned up enough for when I needed my credit to be decent last year. Ever since that went through, I’m really in no hurry at the moment to completely polish it up. Anytime this year is fine now.

• “I want my six-pack back on a more consistent basis! It comes and goes in about a 3-day rotation. I simply want to maintain it! In all fairness, it won’t take me the rest of the year to achieve this… rather about one week. I just need to maintain the high level of cardio exercise that I’ve been doing (since I eat like a garbage disposal!)”

Status: Complete!!! Finally, got one freaking goal done! Now I just need to work on the lats!

• “Begin fencing again. I need to find someone genuinely interested in learning it. I have a great wealth of knowledge in the area; it’s just not a big sport in TX. It’ll also be fun to take my aggressions out on someone by beating the hell out of them with an epee, foil, or saber (guaranteed to leave welts!) Surely someone wants to learn the dark art!”

Status: Incomplete. I’ll be perfectly honest here… no one around here is worthy to receive my secrets on this dark art!!! Haha! Actually, I just really haven’t made the time to do this yet.

• “Get some new contact and glasses prescriptions. I’ve got a great vision plan I pay for each month, I need to use the service! Besides, it’s been nearly 3 years since I got my prescription for my glasses renewed, and almost 5 years since I had my contact prescription updated!”

Status: Complete!!! Well, it’s complete for the most part. I got some new contacts. I’m not so worried about the glasses since I primarily just use them at home. Besides, when I wear them in public, people still recognize me. WTF!!! How does Superman get away with it?!?

• “Move closer to work. Let’s face it, gas prices are jacked! I spend $35 every 4-5 days fueling my car! That’s about $270 a month (about $150 more than I’m use to!) I also won’t be required to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to try to beat rush hour traffic.”

Status: Complete!!! I honestly don’t know if this is a good thing or not. I’m at work all the freaking time now! I practically live there. Luckily, I enjoy what I do and love the people there, otherwise it would be pretty sad (as if it’s really not sad that work is more or less my entire life!)

• “Finally get my car fixed! Damn… the rear has only been jacked up since March! I’m tired of looking at it! I just need to find some time (and gather the money) to just get it done! I want my car to look hot again!”

Status: Complete!!! But complete at what cost? I had to get in an accident where firefighters told me: “Dude, how did you survive that impact?” Because that's just the way of things! In the end though, I didn’t have to pay for the repairs. So, mixed blessing on that one!

• “Register for spring classes. My company just brought back tuition reimbursement last week. Ever since then, the thought has constantly been on my mind! I’ve got a great job with decent hours and good pay… and if they’ll also pay for me to go to school on top of that, then I think I’ll do it!”

Status: Incomplete. Er, I don’t know if I’m ever gonna get this done. I barely give myself time to sleep as it is.

Today's Moment Of Zen

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Colbert At White House Correspondents' Dinner

The White House Correspondents' Association is an organization of journalists who cover the President of the United States and works with the presidential administration on issues regarding coverage and logistics. The WHCA's annual dinner, begun in 1920, has become a Washington DC tradition and is usually attended by the President and Vice President.

The last WHCA's annual dinner on April 29th was absolutely hysterical with special guest speaker Steven Colbert. I highly recommend watching it! You won’t be disappointed with his extremely ballzy yet ultimately hilarious performance.


Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Robbie Williams - Angels


I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate
And do they know
The places where we go
When we’re grey and old
’cos I have been told
That salvation lets their wings unfold
So when I’m lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel the love is dead
I’m loving angels instead

[Chorus:]
And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I’m right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won’t break me
When I come to call she won’t forsake me
I’m loving angels instead

When I’m feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one way street
I look above
And I know I’ll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She breathes flesh to my bones
And when love is dead
I’m loving angels instead

[Chorus x2]
I’ve been wanting to do a post on angels for long time as I’ve always been exceptionally fascinated by their nature. I wouldn’t consider myself a religious person, but I am an avid admirer of the stories written about angels.

All the stories have their own deviations on angels, for example the classification and rank of angels (Choirs of Angels)… Seraphim, Cherubim, Ophanim, Principalities, Virtues, Powers, Dominions, Archangels, and Angels; each hierarchy having a specific purpose. One thing most stories have in common is the fact that angels and human spirits are two totally separate entities. People do not become angels upon death… angels are different beings altogether.

There are two angels specifically that intrigue me above all others, the first being St. Michael the Archangel. If we were ever to truly have patron saints, I would want Michael to be mine. I personally identify with this angel above all others in literature. Though I cannot relate to his greatness, I do relate to his lot in life / existence.

For the longest time I wondered how someone other than a human could become a saint… from what I’ve discovered, the title of Saint is just an honorary title for Michael. There is no record of any actual canonization.

St. Michael is essentially the ultimate protector of humanity. He is accepted in lore as being the special patron of Adam. Supposedly he was the first angel in all of the heavens to bow down before humanity.

In art St. Michael is represented as an angelic warrior, fully armed and standing over Satan, who he pierces with a lance. In Paradise Lost, Michael commands the army of angels loyal to God against the rebel forces of Satan. He also holds a pair of scales in which he weighs the souls of the departed, or the book of life, to show that he takes part in the judgment. So at the hour of death, St. Michael descends and gives each soul the chance to redeem itself before passing.

I find his character marvelously admirable. Constantly a guardian and protector for eternity, I’ve always wondered about other parts of his personality. How does he feel about his existence? It is a burden or an honor to always be the defender of others? Does he ever feel alone or scared with what he must do? I’d really love to find a book that explores his character and gives it more dimension. That being said, he is definitely a great role model… someone very self-sacrificing and compassionate.


The next angel that’s always fascinated me is the fallen angel, Lucifer. I’ve never really believed in a “devil” in opposition to God. It’s ridiculous as it totally negates the entire notion of God being omnipotent (he’d just crush Satan instantly) and omni-benevolent (how could he allow evil to exist.) Besides, I think it’s immature for people to blame their mistakes and sins on some evil being tempting them. People need to take responsibility for their own actions and not blame some fictional character. However, that being said, the character of Lucifer is most interesting.

Lucifer was the most highly regarded being to God. Even his name suggests of how great he once was; Lucifer meaning, “light-bearer.” He had it all. This was perhaps the primary reason for his inevitable fall. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. It almost seems that in all his glory he was destined to betray God.

He’s most interesting when he’s mischievous. As I previously stated, it ludicrous to believe him to be some sort of opponent to God. Even the bible suggests multiple times that he has no power of independent action, but requires the permission of God, which he may not transgress. So according to the bible, God allows Satan to tempt and destroy people.

This is where things become extremely interesting. Here’s a related quote from John Milton / Satan (Al Pacino) in The Devil’s Advocate:
“Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. Ahaha. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fuckin' ass off! He's a tight-ass! He's a sadist! He's an absentee landlord! Worship that? Never!”

In stark contrast to St. Michael, the character of Lucifer is highly developed in almost any story he appears in. He has radical emotions and a clear sense of self-being. He has weaknesses and imperfections… he’s quite human in nature. It seems that we as humans have a lot in common with this particular character, but should try to become more like St. Michael.

Oooops! Damn!

I typically never perform the automatic Windows updates simply because one time several years after I had clicked the little pop-up on the Windows status bar for complete an update, and whatever the update consisted of, it totally crashed my computer.

Anyway, I noticed earlier this morning that I just had too many applications running in the Windows status bar, so I went to start closing the ones I knew I didn’t need running. In closing several of them, I accidentally started a Windows update that had been sitting down there for months.

Fuck! I couldn’t stop it! Fuck! I couldn't undo any of the changes either! Fuck! So after it was completed, all I could do was restart my computer and see what damage had been done. Fuck!

It turns out the Microsoft has finally gone “Big Brother” us! When Windows starts up, I get an enormously distracting message that says: “You may be the victim of software counterfeiting.”

Then I get a star looking program that constantly runs in the Windows status bar that I cannot terminate. When clicked on, this program brings up an Internet Explorer window (IE sucks btw; long live Firefox) that gives me the details on why my version of Windows may not be genuine:
You may be a victim of software counterfeiting. The Windows product key installed on this computer is not genuine.
The Windows product key installed on this computer is a Volume License Key (VLK) that has been blocked. A VLK is typically licensed to organizations that want to use multiple copies of Windows. However, if a VLK is reported as stolen or leaked, it is blocked from passing validation and is not considered genuine.

Buy a genuine product key online
Special offer: Purchase a genuine product key online and convert your system to genuine Windows.
No shit!!! I purchased this version of XP years ago from the University of Texas, who is an authorized discount Microsoft provider. They give the same software key to everyone! This is ridiculous! Microsoft can kiss my ass! I’m not falling for their thuggish and remedial approach to get more of my money.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Luchador Name Generator

You may be wondering… WTF is a luchador? Great question! Simple, a luchador is a performer of the Mexican wrestling sport entertainment called Lucha Libre (free-style fighting).

You are the fearsome:

el puta de la dolor
(the whore of doom)

What's your Luchador Name?

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Just When I Thought That I Was Out They Pull Me Back In

It appears that LucasArts will be releasing a sequel to their highly successful videogame, Star Wars Legos. The first game dealt with the Star Wars prequel trilogy; the new one will focus on the original Star Wars trilogy. With any luck, this second game will be at least equally addictive as the first! If nothing else, it’ll give me something different to do while constantly playing the Superman Returns videogame!


Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Superman Returns Trailer

It's here!!! The official Superman Returns trailer is here!!! OMFG! Like I was just telling Ron a few minutes ago, I really didn't need to see this trailer. Now I'm completely wired! This trailer is so awesome! I was pretty confident that the movie was going to to be great before I saw this trailer; now I know it will be!

I'm soooooooooo excited!!!


Adding To The Collection

The entire month of May truly sucks as far as new release DVD’s are concerned. Nothing good is coming out all… nothing. Not even one thing! Thank God for older movies going on sale for ridiculously low-ass prices!!! I purchased some eight DVD’s yesterday, and hardly spent any money!!! Of the eight, there are only two that I’ve never seen before.

Smallville: Season 1
It’s hard to believe that I already didn’t have this box set. It just so happened that when I purchased seasons two, three, and four, we were out of the first season and never got anymore in. I wasn’t too worried about getting this one at the time I got the others because I had actually already seen all the episodes in the first season, as I was regularly watching TV at that time in my life. It’s just nice to have the complete set now. All I need now is for the fifth season to be released on DVD!!!

Karas: The Prophecy

This is one of the two movies that I had not previously seen. Quite an interesting anime! The graphics and animation were absolutely astounding… and the story was great too. It took me about 75% of the movie to understand what the hell was going on… and then just I was really getting into it, it just ends! Apparently this DVD is only the first half of the entire story. The second half isn’t going to be released until September. WTF!!!

Helen of Troy
This was actually a made for TV movie back in 2003. If I remember correctly, it was shown on the USA channel. I love Greek mythology, but the only real reason I watched this show back when it came on was because the guy who played Paris, Matthew Marsden, is unconditionally gorgeous!!! The story wasn’t great (wasn’t very much like Homer’s Illiad at all, but neither was the recent movie Troy), but damn that guy is so hot. Movies that suck but have good-looking guys is always a great reason to purchase them on DVD!

Les Miserables
I haven’t seen this movie in years!!! Such a wonderful story. Whenever I begin to lose my faith in humanity (remember, I work in retail and encounter some of the worst people on a daily basis), I think of this movie and how Jean Valjean, a completely heartless convict, transforms by a single act of mercy. The perfect example that everyone has the power and strength to truly change. Not to mention it stars Liam Neeson and Geoffery Rush, who are simply outstanding in the movie!

Dominion
This the other movie that I hadn’t seen yet (and actually still haven’t). This is the original prequel to the Exorcist. A good friend, Nathan, swears that this movie is much better than the newest prequel the recently came out, Exorcist: The Beginning. So, I’m anxious to see if the movie truly stands up to the level of quality he’s lead me to believe that it is.

Top Gun
Yes, I hate, I hate, I hate Tom Cruise!!! Regardless of that though, this movie rocks! This is the typical 80’s movie… cliché dialogue and countless memorable quotes! I actually owned this DVD for quite some time, but I don’t know where it is. Someone jacked it, and then never returned it. I’m definitely gonna have to create a database or something for all who commandeer borrow my DVD’s.

Jason and the Argonauts
This was another made for TV movie created several years ago, but unlike Helen of Troy, this movie is definitely more inline with classic Greek mythology. And it too has a super hot lead actor in it, Jason London. One of the fantastic things about Jason London is the fact that he has a twin brother, Jeremy London. Imagine a three-way with the two of them!!!

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
I remember when this movie first came out. It received a lot of bad press. Basically, everyone said the movie sucked, and I believed them. So I never went to see it while it was in theaters. Months after it stopped showing at the theaters, Josh, guaranteed me that the movie was worth watching and made me a copy. I was shocked. The movie wasn’t super great, but it surely was good. I was most impressed! Very interesting take on a strange array of characters. Most enjoyable! Anyway, the copy he gave me lacked in quality, so I decided to actually purchase it! And despite what others may think, Sean Connery kicks ass!