Thursday, December 29, 2005


My slogan new for 2006: “A different kind of company… a different kind of Frank!”

So I opened a new MySpace account, thanks to Ron. Now, I’m not really worried about becoming too addicted to it like many others simply because I’m already online all the time (that is when I’m not at work or at the gym.) I'm already quite addicted to the internet in general.

I look at all the people I went to high school with and I honestly don’t recognize nearly a single person. It’s really amazing how much people can change over the course of seven years.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Chronic Of Narnia

I haven't watched Saturday Night Live in ages, probably because I don't watch TV anymore... anyway, this is a pretty funny rap song they made.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Memorable Movie Quotes Of 2005

It's just occurred to me that I didn't actually see as many movies as I normally do this year... anyway, here are some quotes from 2005 movies that more or less sum the year up. I'm sure there are more that are just as accurate or even better, but I'm exhausted and am only putting the ones down that come to mind. I also only put one quote per movie even though several of these movies had multiple appropriate quotes.
  • "I can feel your anger... It gives you focus... Makes you more powerful" - Darth Sidious / Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
  • "I know the rage that drives you. That impossible anger strangling the grief, until the memory of your loved one is just... poison in your veins. And one day, you catch yourself wishing the person you loved had never existed so you'd be spared your pain." - Henri Ducard / Batman Begins
  • "You can know all the math in the verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down, tells ya she's hurting before she keens. Makes her home." - Malcolm Reynolds / Serenity
  • "You know what it's like getting up every morning? Feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man. But, at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you." - Albert / Hitch
  • "Hell's waking up every goddamn day and not even knowing why you're here" - Marv / Sin City
  • "Now is the time that we must choose between what is right, and what is easy." - Albus Dumbledore / Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
  • "I've got to be more careful where I park this thing." - Willy Wonka / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
  • "Have you ever broke something so bad that it can never be fixed?" - Will Stronghold / Sky High
I've had a lot of bad luck with my car this year... broken clutch, rear ended, two tires exploded, car alarm from hell, replaced dead battery. The story of my car troubles came to an end for the year on the morning of Sunday, December 18 sometime between 6:00am and 6:20am when a crazy bitch came crashing into the driver's side of my car (my door to be exact) at 50 miles per hour. No, I wasn't killed or even hurt for that matter, although I probably should have been one or the other (this simply just continues the myth/lore/legend of my immortality.) Anyway, the following movie quote truly brings my year to a close; however, it's not from a 2005 movie.

"Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car." - The Dude / The Big Lebowski

Friday, December 23, 2005

Josh's X-Mas Surprise

I thought it would be interesting to post about the Christmas gifts I got for Josh because they're not your typical holiday gifts. I went ahead and gave them to him tonight.

Josh's first gift was a battery powered dildo with multi-speed control. That thing really vibrates quite hard! The funniest part about this present is the fact that Josh isn't gay, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he'll give that dildo a test drive! At the very least, I know he'll place it on his coffee table at his apartment simply to make his roommates feel uneasy. I'm also sure he'll take the opportunity to dick-slap some people with it!

Gift number two is a cock pump. No guessing is required on this one... he'll definitely try this one out! This too will most likely end up a center-piece on his living room coffee table, but not before getting some serious use! LOL!

Friday, December 16, 2005

Reviewing The Year

I know the year isn’t quite over yet, but I can’t help but to sit back and reflect on it for a bit. This last year was not great by any means of the imagination, but it wasn’t the worst one either; however, overall I have to say it wasn’t at all what I was expecting. There was definitely much more sorrow and pain than happiness and joy. I can’t decide on a worst moment simply because there are entirely too many candidates to select from, but I can clearly say I know what the best moment was… it was when my mom offered to give my ferrets a home so I wouldn’t have to lose them.

I don’t really believe in “right” or “wrong” choices… to me there are numerous levels of “good” and “poor” choices. A “good” choice is logical one where all of the consequences, positive and negative, are considered and accepted regardless of the outcome. A “poor” choice would be one that is illogical or where one is not willing to accept the consequences of the decision. Well, that’s my philosophy on the matter anyway.

I don’t feel I made many “poor” choices this year. In fact, I’m proud of the fact that I probably made more “good” choices this year than ever before. It just so happens that many of those “good” choices had very bad outcomes that have taken their toll on me throughout the year. I don’t believe that a bad outcome or having to accept the negative consequences of a decision makes it a “poor” one… I just didn’t expect to have to pay the price of the negative consequences so many times over and over again. In retrospect, I don’t think I would have changed a single decision that I consider to be a “good” choice simply because it had a horrible outcome. So it is nice not to regret anything over this last year.

The only resolution I really have for next year is that I would like to have a clear path for my life. Whether the path is difficult or easy to walk is beside the point… I just want one that I can see. And I hope next year is happier than this one.

Friday, December 09, 2005

What If...?

A few days ago I was rummaging through my closet trying to find anything that may need to be dry cleaned. During my search, I ran across something I haven’t seen in years… that in itself is absolutely amazing because I just recently moved a few months ago, so I should have seen it at some point during the process packing or unpacking… but I didn’t. It appears to have been hidden between some old dress shirts that I haven’t worn in years. In retrospect, I probably should have taken it to get dry cleaned when I found it because if I remember correctly, the last time I had it on I think I may have accidentally got some traces of hydronium (the cation that naturally occurs in water) on it… actually it was probably a weak acid monohydrate produced from ionization by the hydronium. I think if it were pure hydronium, it would have eaten away at it over the years.

Oh, “it” was a white lab coat. My mom got it for me early on in college, back at a time when I had plans on studying to becoming a doctor. I’m not really sure what specifically derailed me from that path. Perhaps it was a mixture of loneliness, depression, alcohol, etc… Whatever the reason, I’m clearly not a doctor at moment. I do wonder “what if” sometimes, more so recently over the last several weeks. The fact of the matter is that I don’t have to wonder “what if”; I’m still young enough to return to that path that I abandoned years ago.

I’m very conflicted on what to do though. When I put the white lab coat on and look in the mirror, I see the person that I should be. What’s holding me back from becoming that person? I definitely have the mind for it… I don’t really have a personal life, so I won’t really be sacrificing that… I do have a powerful drive (sometimes beyond even my control) to be the best… so why don’t I just do it? Maybe it’s because I feel that there are times in life you mess something up so much that it can never be fixed… maybe I’m beyond repairing what I’ve already damaged in my life.

Friday, December 02, 2005

The Thrill Of The Fight

Back when I was a sales manager, there were many avenues to becoming the best in the district/region… exceeding sales budgets being one the key goals. So everyday, I was trying to prove I was the best. There was always some means of measuring success from one sales manager to another… and for the most part, I always was the best. I had to be the best… something inside of me that I can’t even control drives me to win (sometimes even at all costs)… I’ll get to that more in just a bit.

My current job has no means of competition. I mean, all I really do is oversee and protect the store’s total net operating profit, which includes payroll, inventory, store maintenance, etc… in addition to being second in command. So there really are no means of being the best in the management position I’m currently in.

So for the most part, my time in this position has been rather boring. If I’m not trying to be the best, I become completely apathetic. For the last couple months, I’ve felt pretty devoid of emotion anyway, so the growing apathy at work just makes things worse for me personally.

Anyway, another store in the district (my old store) and my staff are having a competition this month. It’s basically my operations staff performance on selling extended warranty versus theirs.

Most people who know me have really never seen a truly dark side of me… one of the darkest being my cut-throat, vicious, and absolutely cold-hearted competitive streak. Probably only my immediately family and maybe a few friends have ever seen my true untamed and savage nature while in competition.

First off, winning is never enough. I only accept total domination… complete victory. The goal is never simply to just beat the opponent(s)… it’s to completely obliterate them. Like I said, this isn’t really a side the most people have seen of me… people definitely get glimpses of it when they play even the smallest of games.

Take the game of RISK for example. It’s a simple board game of world domination. Each player starts off with the same number of armies and countries. The object is to invade other players’ countries and take them over. Whoever takes all the countries wins. Simple enough, right? Nope… not for me. I usually sit back and amass my armies to absolutely ridiculous sizes… sometimes overpowering all the other players 50 to 1. It’s not just a matter of taking their countries… it’s the psychological breakdown of their confidence. I want them to see that it’s not only improbable for them to beat me, but impossible. We never even finish the game because everyone quits when they feel there is no possible chance of beating me. I must attain complete dominance.

Hell, even when I taught fencing at the University of Texas… anytime we had a tournament, I was just plain vicious. The object is to achieve a touché (essentially a hit) on the opponent. Best two of three wins the match… since that ends pretty quickly, we usually played best three out of five. Easy enough… just get three touchés and you win the match. Not in my strategy. I would never allow an opponent one hit. I would just parry for about three minutes straight (an eternity in fencing). This not only defeats the opponent’s confidence, but it takes a toll on them physically… after doing 30+ lunge attacks in a single match, one’s legs begin to become very fatigued and sore. After I felt that I had them mentally and physically defeated, I would go ahead and attack… one after another until I had my three touchés, never evening allowing them to catch their breath or rest for a single second. Again… proving I’m the best and establishing complete dominance.

So I ask myself… does this brutal competitive streak really bring the best or the worst out in me? I obviously perform my best at these times, but am I a horrible person for my cut-throat manner of winning? Something in me just changes during times of competitions... the thrill of the fight... something unrestrained and primordial... is this just a part of me that I keep supressed... is this my true nature? I don't know. What I do know is that even being consciously aware that my competitive nature makes me down right malicious at times, I still know that I will win this competition… I also know that my margin of victory will be extremely enormous... leaving my opponents overwhelmingly obliterated.