Thursday, June 30, 2005

Another Day Off Bites The Dust

It seems that when I get a day off of work that falls on a week day, I pretty much do nothing. Take today for example. I didn't even get out of bed until 4pm. I didn't get dressed until 5:30pm. I just wasted the day away. The worst part about it is that I actually have quite a few things I need to do... I just haven't done them.

I need to make an appointment with an optometrist so I can get some new contacts. I've had these contacts since Episode I. I also need to make an appointment with an oral surgeon so I can get my jaw checked. I'm still driving around on fubar tire #2... it needs to get replaced before it explodes and kills me. Oh hell... I also need to get my oil changed too (just thought of that now)!

My entire day wasn't a complete waste though. I did go to CVS and pick up some things... deodorant, shaving gel, etc... I purchased some more Adidas: Dynamic Pulse body spray. I can't wear cologne, it gives me migraines, but I can use body spray. Troy got me hooked on the Adidas products... he uses the Adidas: Sport Fever and he always smells amazing!

Anyway, my day has really just started. I'll probably try to go to the gym tonight and perhaps even do some cleaning around the house... then I won't feel so bad for lounging around all day doing nothing!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

War Of The Worlds

I just got home from watching War of the Worlds with Josh, Jennifer, and Ron. First of all, I'm amazed that I even went to see this movie since I really don't like Tom Cruise. There are a few Tom Cruise movies I enjoy though... Top Gun, Interview With the Vampire, and Collateral.

I really didn't expect much from the movie (even though Ron previewed it a few nights ago and said it was awesome). When everything is said and done, the movie wasn't bad. It wasn't the best movie, but it's something I'd definitely recommend to people who aren't familiar with the original War of the Worlds movie or books. It's at least worth one viewing.

I will admit, there are times that the movie is kind of slow (it's nearly two hours long). The special effects were nice... which is expected nowadays. In some sick and sadistic manner, I was really entertained with all of the anarchy that occurred after the aliens began attacking.

Josh summed the movie up the best... "Didn't I see this movie nine years ago, but with Will Smith?"

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Spending Too Much Time At Blogthings!

Star Wars Horoscope for Aquarius

You can be cruel and torment people who disagree with you.
Deep down, there is a peace-loving, friendly side to you.
You have a knack for inflicting pain on people and use your intellect during battle.

Star wars character you are most like: Darth Vader

You May Be a Bit Schizotypal ...

A bit odd and socially isolated.

You couldn't care less of what others think.

And some of your beliefs are a little weird.

Like that time you thought you were Jesus.

Your Porn Star Name is: Jason Jizzy

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges
If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story
You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses
A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

Your Penis Name is: 100% All-beef Thermometer

Your Deadly Sins

Lust: 100%

Wrath: 100%

Envy: 80%

Sloth: 80%

Gluttony: 40%

Greed: 40%

Pride: 40%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 69%

You'll die while in the throws of passion - the best way to go.

You Will Die at Age 67


You're pretty average when it comes to how you live...

And how you'll die as well.

You Have Good Karma

In general, you like to do the right thing when it comes to others.

Your caring personality really shines through.

Sure, you have your moments of weakness - and occasionally act out.

But, all in all, you're karma is good... even with those few dark spots.

You Are 60% Extrovert, 40% Introvert

You are quite outgoing

You are a social connector - you know a ton of people

While you aren't a wild extrovert, you are a great talker

A fantastic storyteller, you keep everyone laughing

You Are Best Described By...

The Scream

By Edvard Munch

Your Seduction Style: The Dandy

You're a non-traditionalist, not limited by gender roles or expectations.
Your sexuality is more fluid than that - and you defy labels or categories.
It's hard to pin you down, and that's what's fascinating about you.
You have the psychology of both a male and a female, and you can relate to anyone.

This Love by Maroon 5

"I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind"

You were so great in 2004 that you make everyone a little bit sick!

You Are a Husky Puppy

Sweet, affectionate, and docile.
But when you see a cat or chicken, it's kill kill kill!!!

Monday, June 27, 2005

This Is What You Get When Conservatives Are In Power!

I realize that I'm a little late to cover this (I don't keep up with current events as well as I used to), but I'm so angry about it I'm going to do it anyway. For those who haven't heard, the ultra conservative U.S. Supreme Court has once again decided to erode the principals that this nation was founded on. The Supreme Court on Thursday ruled that local governments may seize people's homes and businesses... even against their will... for private economic development.

Just to make sure you're absolutely clear on this... cities, counties, states and other governments can now literally seize a person's home via eminent domain and give it to someone else for virtually any reason (or no reason at all for that matter)!

Before this unconstitutional decision, an elderly couple that purchased a house for $60,000 in 1940 couldn't be driven out of their home by property taxes just because it is now worth $500,000. Under the Supreme Court's Kelo v. New London decision, local government could now simply seize the house and sell/give it to a developer who in turn sells it to someone else at a tidy profit. Since the house was sold, taxes would then be reassessed based on the $500,000 current value and the city/county/state suddenly would see a big increase in tax revenue. Never mind the fact that the house used to be the legal and private property of someone else! The developers get a profit, the government gets more taxes and the original property owner gets screwed.

It used to be a given that governments could only use eminent domain if the seized property was going to directly be used for the public good, such as for building a new highway. The idea behind this is to give the government a chance to forcibly evict people from their home in extreme cases where the land is desperately needed for a project that will have tremendous public benefit and where the homeowner does not want to sell or cooperate with the project. This court decision just threw that idea out the window and onto the manure pile. Now, something as trivial as increased tax revenue could be used to invoke eminent domain. All a developer needs to do now is bribe his favorite politician and *POOF*, the land that they want is seized and handed over to them.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

The Dark Path

I'm completely obsessed with the dark side! Though this concept is taken from a fictional movie, it does mirror real life.

The natural order of anything encompasses some kind of balance. Day and night, life and death, light and dark ... each pair represents a different kind of balance. As part of the natural order, the Force in Star Wars follows the same rules. The light embodies peace, knowledge, and serenity. The dark side encompasses fear, anger, and aggression. Both sides exist simultaneously, but not always in balance. Sometimes the light side has predominance; at other times the dark side dominates. When the balance tips too far in either direction, conflict usually results. And in conflict, the dark side flourishes.

I have identified three basic stages that one experiences when stepping onto the dark path... Temptation, imperilment, and submission. One traveling down the dark path will eventually go through at least one stage of corruption on the journey to the dark side. It is the power-hungry, hate-filled, ambitious, tragic, or evil ones who experience two or all three of these stages of corruption.

For example, in Star Wars the Force offers unimaginable powers to those who can feel its connection to the universe around them and manipulate its subtle lines of energy. Those who are sensitive to the Force live in a larger, more vibrant world than those who can't perceive the omnipresent energy field. One who feels the Force sees and experiences the universe from a different and larger perspective than others. Because of this bond, the Force-user has the ability to gain incredible powers using the Force. If they prefer to act instead of waiting... to give in to fear and anger... to proceed from an aggressive posture instead of a passive one... then they have taken the first step on their path to power of the dark side.

In most cases at this point one has already accepted the dark side as being powerful. These are the ones who constantly weigh the moral consequences, who obsess about doing the right thing no matter what the personal cost may be. To them, the dark side presents another weapon in their arsenal against evil, regardless of the fact that each use pushes them closer and closer to the very evil they hope to oppose. Oddly enough, I would say that I quite possibly reside in this stage of the dark side.

When one gives himself over to the dark side. There are no more restrictions, no more dangers to worry about. It is liberating and exhilarating to give one's self fully to the dark side. Once you accept the dark path, there is no longer any need to justify actions. Now power becomes the goal, and through the use of the dark side all obstacles can be pushed aside. Forget past attachments and former codes of conduct. A dark sider should consider himself a law unto himself. A new, dark life begins when one submits fully to the darkness inside themselves.

"Fear attracts the fearful... the strong... the weak... the innocent... the corrupt. Fear is my Ally."

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Beverlee the Great!

I'm suprised I was able to get this picture... Beverlee never lets me take any pictures of her! I don't know why though... she's so incredibly beautiful! I was only able to get this picture because it was way late (actually early, 4am I think) after her party and she didn't care... I guess alcohol had some influence on her tolerance of the camera phone too! Beverlee is so wonderful... I don't know what I would do without her. She's literally always taking care of me... I'm so lucky to have her in my life!

Friday, June 24, 2005

Workout Checklist

Getting ready for the daily workout. Today is a free day. I think I'll do some arms and chest today. Let's see, got the Ozarka water (featuring characters from Shrek 2), towel, gloves (I hate callused hands), and the Rio Cali mp3 player.

Some people like to listen to dance music or something sporty while working out. That stuff works for me too, but I also like a bit of John Williams... Duel of the Fates is the best! Reminds me of Darth Maul.

"At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi; at last we will have revenge!"

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Powerhouse Triumvirate

Nicholas, Robert, and Lance are by far three of my most trusted employees! They are absolutely amazing. I can always count on these three to accomplish any task and to do it astonishingly! I am truly lucky to have them... it's spectacular to have all three of them here together!

Busy Day at Work

As you can easily see, we were extremely busy at work today! Josh, Beverlee, and Matt are fantastic role models for all our employees as they demonstrate how to stay productive during slow times at work! This is exactly why I pay them the big bucks.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

How Ghetto!

How ghetto is this?! Someone tagged the paper towel dispenser in the restroom at work. I guess the toilets are probably next! Gives a whole new meaning to marking your territory in the restroom!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Watching The Movie At Home Now!

Today has simply been wonderful!!! I've been at home watching a pristine copy of a certain movie over and over again! Let's just say that this movie has not yet made it to DVD (in sense that it is available for resale), and one might even say that the movie has a dark side to it!

I'm extremely impressed with its quality! The picture is very clear and the sound is superb (just ProLogic 2, no surround sound)! It's nearly DVD quality! There are even menus on the DVD (scene selection, extras, etc...) Either someone spent a great deal of time on this DVD, or perhaps it is a prototype copy of the actual DVD to be released in several months. Whatever the origin, it is a fantastic copy!

Monday, June 20, 2005

Back in Black!

Josh is back from his vacation! He's my right hand (strictly in a non-sexual manner)! Everything is as it should be at work now.

"This will be a day long remembered. It has seen the end of Kenobi, it will soon see the end of the Rebellion!"

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Big Daddy Joe

This is Joe... he's stuck at work here with me on his first Father's Day... his son Ryan was born on February 13 of this year. That's the same day I got the flu, bronchitis, and pneumonia. Anyway, happy Father's Day to you Joe!

Hebrew Hammer Back In Action!

It's so great to have Alex back in my store!

Saturday, June 18, 2005


This is Troy's sweet little Lucy. I simply love her to death because she's just so sweet and affectionate (or needy as Troy would put it.)

FUBAR Tire #2

There's a strange bulge on my front left tire... it'll probably end up exploding like my rear right one a few months ago. I wish I still had that picture of that last tire... it looked horrible! It was completely destroyed!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Dark Side

The dark side of the Force is innately tied to the distinctly negative ethical paradigm of the Sith. It is largely based on emotions and passion rather than peace and serenity which are preached by the light side of the force. The dark side of the Force comes from the hate, vengeance, and malice in all living things.

The Jedi believe that emotions such as fear, uncertainty, doubt, anger, suffering, and attachment are "inevitably" self-destructive, and lead to the dark side. The Sith philosophy, on the other hand, is to use such emotions to fuel one's own will to power, ego, and selfishness. The inevitably destructive havoc caused by the actions of a dark side practitioner are conveniently forgotten or excused as serving a greater purpose under this philosophy... they believe that instead of living along side the Force, one must master it and use it as a tool.

The negative emotions increase the strength and abilities of a dark side practitioner. As a result, the dark side of the force is extremely addictive: every time one calls on its power, one becomes more and more attached to it. The dark side is not only mentally corruptive, but also physically corruptive: over time, the raw power wastes away the body of a dark side adept.

Overall, dark side relationships and organizations are inherently unstable... the pupil-master relationship of the Jedi is perverted under the Sith, as both the apprentice and the master naturally plot against one other, and one will eventually kill the other. Every time a dark side force has risen in the Star Wars galaxy, it has collapsed from within due to its own unstable nature.

All my life I have always chosen the path of virtue, but will there come a time when I choose the quick and easy path... follow the path of my own dark side? Could doing that consume my life? Would it in essence kill the person I am now? Will I always have the strength to do what is right?

I have the opportunity to have someone greatly discredited or even fired. This person has been nothing but vile and maliciously vicious to people I care about. I can't even begin to express the amount of pain he has caused people. I have a choice... I can sit around and wait (hope) that everything will work its way out and that he'll eventually be so destructive on his own that he'll get himself fired... or I can use what power I have to make him look incompetent and perhaps even have him fired for all of the rules and regulations that he blatantly breaks on a daily basis. Doing the latter would most likely require me to walk down a dark path to achieve a decisive victory.

If I could end someone's evil reign of terror on those I care about, wouldn't that be the right thing to do? What if the only way to stop this person was to sink to their same level, would it still be the right thing to do? Would I be doing it for justice or revenge? Would I be basing my decisions off of peace and serenity, or emotions and passion? Could I ever be driven by hate, vengeance, or malice?

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Mark It Zero!

So today, Jimmie Dale Gilmore comes into my store looking at digital cameras. I almost walked up behind him and said, "MARK IT ZERO!" When I realized it was really him, I was so glad I didn't do that... I would have probably appeared to be a big jack-ass! Jimmie Dale Gilmore plays Smokey on one of my most favorite movies, The Big Lebowski. Smokey is the 'pacifist' bowler whom John Goodman's Walter threatens to shoot for allegedly stepping 'over the line' when throwing a strike. The inside joke, of course, is that, as a practicing Taoist, Gilmore is himself a pacifist.

Jimmie Dale Gilmore's scene in The Big Lebowski:

Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter.

WALTER: Smokey Huh? Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul.

SMOKEY: Bullshit. Eight, Dude.

WALTER: Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame.

SMOKEY: Bullshit. Walter!

WALTER: This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.

DUDE: Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game.

WALTER: This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round-robin, am I wrong?

SMOKEY: Yeah, but--

WALTER: Am I wrong!?

SMOKEY: Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight.

Walter takes out a gun.

WALTER: Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain.

DUDE: Hey Walter--

WALTER: Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain.

SMOKEY: I'm not--

WALTER: A world of pain.

A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone.

SMOKEY: Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should--

Walter primes the gun and points it at Smokey's head.


The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps.

DUDE: Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away.


SMOKEY: Walter--


SMOKEY: All right! There it is! It's fucking zero!

He points frantically at the score projected above the lane.

SMOKEY: You happy, you crazy fuck?

WALTER: This is a league game, Smokey!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

New Order - True Faith

I feel so extraordinary
Something’s got a hold on me
I get this feeling I’m in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
I don’t care ’cause I’m not there
And I don’t care if I’m here tomorrow
Again and again I’ve taken too much
Of the things that cost you too much

I used to think that the day would never come
I’d see delight in the shade of the morning sun
My morning sun is the drug that brings me near
To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear
I used to think that the day would never come
That my life would depend on the morning sun...

When I was a very small boy,
Very small boys talked to me
Now that we’ve grown up together
They’re afraid of what they see
That’s the price that we all pay
Our valued destiny comes to nothing
I can’t tell you where we’re going


I feel so extraordinary
Something’s got a hold on me
I get this feeling I’m in motion
A sudden sense of liberty
The chances are we’ve gone too far
You took my time and you took my money
Now I fear you’ve left me standing
In a world that’s so demanding


The Ban Is Lifted

So it appears that the ban on ephedra has been lifted. I'm not really into taking drugs or anything, but I am glad it is once again available to the public... not because I think it's great drug or supplement (I don't have any opinion on it actually), but rather I'm opposed to the government dictating what people can and can't have... what people can and can't do.

Yes, I do have an oppositional defiant issue. I don't like being told what to do, especially by the government. I can't stand laws that are in place to protect me from myself. If I want to be irresponsible and hurt myself, I should have the right to do that (as long as no one else is affected adversely).

Funny story... one of my friends is an active substance supplier (ok, drug dealer) as a secondary source of income. Just for the record, I personally don't take any illegal drugs or ever have, but I don't judge him for what he does on the side. Anyway, he is without doubt the worst drug dealer ever! Anytime someone calls him for some stuff, he's never available and always forgets to return the call or check his voicemail! How do you make money if you're never available to sell your product?

Monday, June 13, 2005

Back Again!

My hiatus from work ended today at 12:00pm. Though I initially wasn't looking forward to returning, it was a marvelous day. Nothing particularly great happened... there wasn't any defining event that made my day. I simply feel like my old self once again... back to normal (well, normal for me... still weird to most people). I feel like I'm once again that person everyone has grown to know over the last several years... my peppy, energetic, eccentric self. I feel absolutely wonderful!

I didn't realize how miserable I really was for the last few months until today. I always try to tell myself, when I'm down, that the bad days will make the great ones better. It's so true! I greatly appreciate any pain I've had to endure.

It's just great to feel comfortable in my own skin once again!

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Looking Back On The 79th Texas Legislature

140 - Number of days served by the Texas Legislature each session. The lack of days of work probably has a lot to do with the lack of high pay and benefits that members of the House and Senate here in Texas receive. That however did not stop House member from going ahead and approving a bill that increased the benefits of legislators after 12 years(or 1,680 work days)

Funniest Quote - "We have a rule in this House where we don't care what Oklahoma does." -Rep. Trey Martinez-Fischer(D- San Antonio)

Worst Bill - Although the $139 billion budget wasn't too hot, there has to be a tie between the "suggestive cheerleading bill" and the "cheeseburger" bill. Rep. Al Edwards(D-Houston) introduced the former with the claim that suggestive cheerleading was partly responsible for the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and drop-out rates. Edwards' bill died in the Senate. The cheeseburger bill came from the mind of Sen. John Carona(R-Dallas) which bars citizens from suing restaurants as the cause of their obesity. No such lawsuit has ever been filed in Texas.

Smear the Queer - Various bills and amendments are introduced, directed at gays and lesbians to determine what their rights are. Robert Talton of Pasadena says that God told him to create the amendment which would have barred gays from becoming foster parents. The amendment, originally part of the CPS reform bill, is later removed much to the chagrin of Talton.Later on, a constitutional amednment banning gay marriage survived both House and Senate and will be up for vote this November.

Highway To Hell - The Texas Legislature passes a bill which allows rural counties in Central and West Texas to raise their speed limits to 80 mph. Now citizens travelling to El Paso can get the hell out of Craddick country just a little quicker.

What Would Jesus Do? - Festival, fair, and concert attendees will now be able to buy alcohol beginning at 10am on Sundays instead of noon.

Happy Trails - The chuck wagon was made the state's official vehicle. Think of it as the Ford F-150 of the past.

Flip Flop - Sen Ellis of Houston announces he has the support of 12 Democratic senators(himself included), enough needed to block the constitutional ban on gay marriage proposal. Citing their constituents, Sen Madla(D-San Antonio) and Sen. Eddie Lucio(D- Brownsville) have a change of heart. Madla does have an election in '06 ya know.

Looking Forward - HB 2907 by Rep. Warren Chisum(R-Pampa) would have outlawed all abortions in Texas, save for life-threatening cases for the mother, in the event that Roe v. Wade was overturned by the Supreme Court. It did not pass committee.

Parental Consent - Parents must not only be notified but must give their consent to the physician if their daughter is getting an abortion. Governor Perry signed the bill at a Fort Worth church.

That's Rough - Republican proposal to lower property taxes would have raised sales taxes to cover funds needed. Those sales taxes, had the bill been approved, would have made Texas sales taxes the highest in the nation; as if they're not high enough already(8.25%).

In Limbo - Bill and reform pushed for but not passed: property tax relief, school finance reform, teacher pay raise

Friday, June 10, 2005

New Nightclub... in Pflugerville!?

So I'm on my way to the gym a few hours ago. I go down Grand Avenue Pkwy in Pflugerville because there's typically very little traffic on this road... so I use it to go pretty much everywhere. Anyway, tonight I was horrified to see that the road backed up for miles! Cars were parked all over the place... to tell you the truth, I haven't seen that many park cars since I was at Disney World. Apparently a new club grand opened tonight... Graham Central Station.

What I find amusing is the fact that there's a club in Pflugerville. I guess you'd have to live in Pflguerville to understand the irony with this. Pflugerville is an ultra-conservative town... and I do say 'town.' There are what, 15000 people approximately living here. This town is about 97% residential. There aren't even many businesses here... they're all in Austin or Round Rock. So for a club to open here is pretty radical!

It appears that this Graham Central Station is actually six clubs in one, so there's only one cover charge. The clubs consist of: Denim & Diamonds Country Dance Nightclub (Favorite Country Dance and Live Music), Alley Cats (Karoke show bar), Choppers (70s, 80s, 90s, and some fun Party Rock), Wildcats (Wild girls dancing on the bar and slinging liquor), Live Room (Featuring local Austin bands, and providing them a place to be seen and heard), & Club Z (Top 40 dance club.) I guess I'm going to have to check it out sometime!

Phil Collins - I Wish It Would Rain Down

You know I never meant to see you again
and I only passed by as a friend
All this time I stayed out of sight
I started wondering why

Now I, I wish it would rain down, down on me
Yes I wish it would rain, rain down on me now

You said you didn't need me in your life
I guess you were right
Well I never meant to cause you no pain
But it looks like I did it again


Though your hurt is gone, mines hanging on, inside
And I know it's eating me through every night and day
I'm just waiting on your sign

'Cos I know, I know I never meant to cause you no pain
And I realize I let you down
But I know in my heart of heart of hearts
I know I'm never gonna hold you again


Thursday, June 09, 2005

Watching Some Classic Comedies...

In a neverending personal tradition, I watch The Three Amigos at least twice every year or when I'm bored out of my mind... like today. I know the script quite well, so there are few surprises. But every once and a while, there is a joke or innuendo in there that I had missed before and suddenly it all makes sense to me. This humor that is revealed to me in layers is the result of, dare I say, consistant study and attention to minute details. This movie is truly one where you find more and more to enjoy the more effort you put into it. When I watch it and something clicks where before I hadn’t noticed anything before, it makes me appreciate the movie that much more. I suppose you could say that I am a master at discerning the slapstick comedy of this movie.

"In a way, all of us have an El Guapo to face someday. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us... El Guapo is a big dangerous guy who wants to kills us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day... the people of Santa Poco... can conquer their own personal El Guapo... who also happens to be the actual El Guapo."

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Too Much Free Time

I'm at home watching Army of Darkness... great movie... I love Bruce Campbell (especially in Brisco County, Jr.), he's such a great actor. Anyway, the movie refers to a mythical book call the Necronomicon. It is supposedly an ancient Sumerian text, bound in human flesh and inked in human blood. It contains bizarre burial rites, prophesies, and instruction for demon resurrection.

Interested in what truth there may be to such a book, I go to the internet to look it up! What fun! I found some sites which only prove to me that some people have WAY too much free time on their hands! It's amazing how creative (or demented) people can be on the most bizarre things! Check out this site called Necronomican Content/Spells, and tell me that this person isn't truly weird... (who am I to talk?!) LOL! :-P

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Time Is Not On My Side

It’s amazing… time that is. Without any regard to what’s happening, it keeps ticking. It’s so cold and unforgiving. I’ve been sitting here for last several minutes, watching the clock.

How many more minutes will my heart endure the loneliness it’s always felt? I feel lucky to be mortal… I only have a finite number of minutes that my tormented soul must continue to survive.

When it’s finally over, then what? Oblivion would be a peace I’ve never know. Hell would simply be a vacation compared to what my tortured heart and soul have sustained in life.

I’ve never really meant much to anyone, nor will I ever it seems. Always the friend… this is the role that life has given me. I must have played it so well early on in life that I’ve been type-cast to continue playing it until my dying hour. So be it. Perhaps I'm simply unfit to be anything more. Maybe there's something so terribly wrong with me that I'll never even deserve an opportunity or a chance to be anything more than a "good time" or a friend. It's been this way with so many people, the problem must be with me. Well, whatever the reason, the fact remains that I'm alone, I've always been alone, and probably always will be alone. I guess I'm destined to just having physical relationships or just being the friend... nothing more. The only positive of this is that I know never to expect anything more... this way, I'm never really let down or disappointed.

What I find most disturbing is the fact that I’ve grown accustom to feeling this way deep down. I don’t show it (I try not to show it)... why should others share my misery? I try to bury it, to forget about it. Most of the time I can… it’s just hard to do when everything is so quiet, and I sit here all alone just thinking.

So I will go to bed now, tears and all… when I wake in the morning, I’ll start a brand new day and try to make the best of it. I’ll put on my smile, try to make some people smile and laugh, maybe even try to do something productive while on vacation… hopefully I’ll be reflecting on a great day this time tomorrow. My finest day is yet unknown… I just wish I didn’t end this one feeling so depressed and alone.

Beatles - In My Life

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

Friday, June 03, 2005

Ode on a Grecian Urn

Thou still unravish'd bride of quietness,
Thou foster-child of silence and slow time,

Sylvan historian, who canst thus express
A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme:
What leaf-fring'd legend haunts about thy shape

Of deities or mortals, or of both,
In Tempe or the dales of Arcady?

What men or gods are these? What maidens loth?

What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?

What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy?

Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard

Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;

Not to the sensual ear, but, more endear'd,

Pipe to the spirit ditties of no tone:
Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave

Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare;

Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss,

Though winning near the goal yet, do not grieve;

She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss,

For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair!

Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed

Your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu;

And, happy melodist, unwearied,

For ever piping songs for ever new;

More happy love! more happy, happy love!
For ever warm and still to be enjoy'd,

For ever panting, and for ever young;
All breathing human passion far above,

That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloy'd,

A burning forehead, and a parching tongue.

Who are these coming to the sacrifice?

To what green altar, O mysterious priest,

Lead'st thou that heifer lowing at the skies,

And all her silken flanks with garlands drest?
What little town by river or sea shore,

Or mountain-built with peaceful citadel,

Is emptied of this folk, this pious morn?

And, little town, thy streets for evermore

Will silent be; and not a soul to tell

Why thou art desolate, can e'er return.

O Attic shape! Fair attitude! with brede

Of marble men and maidens overwrought,

With forest branches and the trodden weed;

Thou, silent form, dost tease us out of thought

As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral!
When old age shall this generation waste,

Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe

Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,

"Beauty is truth, truth beauty,--that is all

Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."
-John Keats

I've always enjoyed this poem because I can relate to it... it conveys what I've always felt, always known. It is an accurate portrayal of what my reality has become. It's about a relic of ancient Greek civilization, an urn painted with two scenes from Greek life. The first scene, the one that I'm concerned with, depicts lovers in a setting of rustic beauty. The picture, at first glance, represents the timeless perfection only art can capture. The lovers so close to each other; it seems perfect. The urn's characters are frozen in time, so it appears that they will always be together. Unfortunately, because art will never change, the lovers will always love one another, nut they will never reach other. While they will always be so close, they will never truly embrace one another... they will never be together. They will remain alone for eternity, so close to being with the one they love. This is sadly the way of things.

All you can do is bury these feelings so deep inside and hope that they will eventually die and give you some kind of peace... however, each time you do this, you lose a little bit of yourself. A special, innocent part of you dies along with the suppressed emotions.