Friday, December 09, 2005

What If...?

A few days ago I was rummaging through my closet trying to find anything that may need to be dry cleaned. During my search, I ran across something I haven’t seen in years… that in itself is absolutely amazing because I just recently moved a few months ago, so I should have seen it at some point during the process packing or unpacking… but I didn’t. It appears to have been hidden between some old dress shirts that I haven’t worn in years. In retrospect, I probably should have taken it to get dry cleaned when I found it because if I remember correctly, the last time I had it on I think I may have accidentally got some traces of hydronium (the cation that naturally occurs in water) on it… actually it was probably a weak acid monohydrate produced from ionization by the hydronium. I think if it were pure hydronium, it would have eaten away at it over the years.

Oh, “it” was a white lab coat. My mom got it for me early on in college, back at a time when I had plans on studying to becoming a doctor. I’m not really sure what specifically derailed me from that path. Perhaps it was a mixture of loneliness, depression, alcohol, etc… Whatever the reason, I’m clearly not a doctor at moment. I do wonder “what if” sometimes, more so recently over the last several weeks. The fact of the matter is that I don’t have to wonder “what if”; I’m still young enough to return to that path that I abandoned years ago.

I’m very conflicted on what to do though. When I put the white lab coat on and look in the mirror, I see the person that I should be. What’s holding me back from becoming that person? I definitely have the mind for it… I don’t really have a personal life, so I won’t really be sacrificing that… I do have a powerful drive (sometimes beyond even my control) to be the best… so why don’t I just do it? Maybe it’s because I feel that there are times in life you mess something up so much that it can never be fixed… maybe I’m beyond repairing what I’ve already damaged in my life.

11 comments:

lgl said...

except with school there is never that bad... a few classes at a CC with fix things right up... and if for some reason that dosent do it... they have a forgiveness program after like 7 years or something.

lgl said...

and as far as med school goes, i think they will look at the time off and the difference in grades.

Frazzled said...

So what are you waiting for? An epiphany?

Frank said...

LGL - We'll see... that's not so much the problem though. Even so, in my experience, I've never received the opportunity of a second chance for anything.

Frazzled - Perhaps... that or I'm waiting for a clever perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization... or an epiphany, which ever comes first! :-P

Troy said...

No stinkin' thinkin' you can DO IT!!! :-) I have faith in you and I know tons of other people do too.

Elemmaciltur said...

Yeah...there are times when you start asking yourself 'What if'....like what I've been doing in the past few days. I might blog about it in the next days. A couple of things have been happening here....

I think you should go for it. Try it out again...that's kind of my plan after finishing with politics. I think I'll consider doing med school

Frank said...

Troy - Thanks! :-)

Elemmaciltur - I am leaning more that way right now. :-D

celtgirl said...

DUDE - get your butt motivated and do it. You've been talking about this drive you have to win at any cost, what better place to win than at improving your life?

You age is so not a factor, I have to believe that or I'm hopeless beyond hopeless.

Frank said...

Thanks for the vote of confidence Mary!

My competitive nature never really applies to my life... I'll fight like hell for dumb things or even other people. I just don't fight for myself.

One of my biggest character flaws is my difficulty in forgiving others... myself included. It's something I'm trying to work on, but it's hard because I find it challenging to trust others and myself.

Anyway, that said... that's not gonna stop me. I'm going to look into various options I have to get this going as soon as possible.

Thanks again! :-D

celtgirl said...

Think of it as a challenge between you and Jen. Who gets the degree first - would that work?

Frank said...

LOL! Well, she's got herself quite a bit of a head start on that one! :-P