Tuesday, May 31, 2005


My drive to work is about 25 miles. I don't think anything of it (partly because I love listening to XM), but others think that's too much of a journey. I typically start the day off pretty early, so I miss the morning rush hour. When I leave work, I'll leave before or after the evening rush hour. So for the most part, I really haven't been through heavy traffic in awhile.

I spent most of the day being as unproductive as one can be on a day off of work. I slept late... I got up to eat... went back to bed... got back up to eat... went back to bed again... etc. I had a 6:00pm appointment with Justin, my personal trainer, which was about the only productive thing I've done all day.

Now, whenever I get more sleep than I'm used to, which is usually anything over five to six hours, I'm tired all day. I'm not really sure why that happens. You'd think that getting more sleep would make you less tired... this is not the case. So I was worried that I was going to be quite sluggish at the gym.

On my way to the gym, the traffic was absolutely atrocious! I'm a pretty level headed guy. I can take bad news rather well, deal with upset people, get yelled at, etc... and not get upset by it. Traffic on the other hand just makes me plain angry! I get such road rage. I don't even know who I am when the road rage sets in... I'm like Bruce Banner turned Hulk when I'm driving in traffic.

Needless to say, the incredible irritation with the traffic had me really pumped up when I finally arrived at the gym. I was still so upset about the traffic that my heart rate was nearly at what I needed it to be at for my 10 minutes of warmup cardio!

The other thing that really annoyed me on the way to the gym is the condition of the roads in Pflugerville. There are huge potholes everywhere. Why does it take so long for someone to fix this problem? Several months ago, Kimball lost a brand new tire to a Pflugerville pothole.

Anyway, that's all I have to say about traffic! I need to get to bed, and just thinking about that awful drive today is beginning to raise my blood pressure! LOL!

The Future of Digital Cinema is Here!

So I finally had the exciting opportunity to view Revenge of the Sith at a DLP (Digital Light Processor) theater last night. I was simply expecting that the picture would look a better, etc. To my surprise, I was absolutely astonished! The picture and sound quality were remarkable! The clarity and detail were incredible. The DLP's can produced up to 35 trillion colors! It was like watching a high definition movie on a 200 ft plasma TV.

It's sad to think that not many movies are shot digitally, so currently there would be a big push for theaters to get more DLP's. I mean there are only two movies out at the moment that were filmed digitally, Revenge of the Sith and Madagascar. In addition, there are only slightly over 200 theaters worldwide that even have DLP projectors... only four theaters in Texas. The Galaxy over near Highland Mall is the only one in the Austin area.

I'll definitely need to go see Star Wars again on the DLP sometime this next week... or maybe next week when I'm off of work! Long live DLP!

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Internet Explorer Sucks

I just viewed this blog for the first time ever with Internet Explorer just a few minutes ago. All I can say is that Internet Explorer sucks! If you're not using FireFox, then this blog may look jacked up sometimes. Besides, FireFox is a much better browser... built in pop-up blocker, open source for personal modifications, privacy and security from spyware, tabbed browsing, and most importantly... it's not made by Microsoft!

O Fortuna of Carmina Burana

O Fortuna              O Fortune,
velut luna like the moon
statu variabilis, you are changeable,
semper crescis ever waxing
aut decrescis; and waning;
vita detestabilis hateful life
nunc obdurat first oppresses
et tunc curat and then soothes
ludo mentis aciem, as fancy takes it;
egestatem, poverty
potestatem and power
dissolvit ut glaciem. it melts them like ice.

Sors immanis Fate - monstrous
et inanis, and empty,
rota tu volubilis, you whirling wheel,
status malus, you are malevolent,
vana salus well-being is vain
semper dissolubilis, and always fades to nothing,
obumbrata shadowed
et velata and veiled
michi quoque niteris; you plague me too;
nunc per ludum now through the game
dorsum nudum I bring my bare back
fero tui sceleris. to your villainy.

Sors salutis Fate is against me
et virtutis in health
michi nunc contraria, and virtue,
est affectus driven on
et defectus and weighted down,
semper in angaria. always enslaved.
Hac in hora So at this hour
sine mora without delay
corde pulsum tangite; pluck the vibrating strings;
quod per sortem since Fate
sternit fortem, strikes down the string man,
mecum omnes plangite! everyone weep with me!

Some People

Working in retail, especially as a manager, one comes across a wide spectrum of people. Most people are what I would call "normal." Occasionally you run into some funny weirdos too... However, it's the dumb ones you always remember!!!

I want to know what store in the world allows you to return an item that's over five years old for a full refund!!! Apparently, the dumb people shop there all of the time and expect everyone else to have the same gracious return policy!

My motto is simple:

Rule #1: The customer is always right.

Rule #2: They must pay for their arrogance!

One thing I've learned is that you should never underestimate the power of dumb people in large groups... I mean hell, that's the only way you can explain why George W. Bush is president!

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Things We Learned from Revenge of the Sith

Chewbacca is probably still picking sand out of his hair from the Battle of Kashyyyk when we see him in A New Hope.

The Emperor isn't bald under his hood.

People from Naboo don't look like beach balls when pregnant with twins.

Despite murdering dozens of children, betraying your friends, and choking your wife, you can still have good in you.

While Stormtroopers may not be a great shot, Clone Troopers are!

Even cyborg generals can get Tuberculosis.

The Jedi's health insurance policy does not cover lost limbs, but the Sith plan has you covered.

Top Ten Signs You've Seen Star Wars Too Many Times

10. Your poodles are named "C," "3," "P" and "O"

9. You won't sleep with your wife unless she says, "Help me, Obi Wan, you're my only hope"

8. You spent $10,000 trying to Rogaine yourself into Chewbacca

7. You're continually stunned when the President makes major decisions without consulting Mark Hamill

6. Your favorite pickup line: "Would you like to handle my light saber?"

5. You keep referring to your lawn mower as "that crazy droid"

4. You spend most of your days trying to use "the Force" to open a can of pears

3. You once saw an eggplant that looked kind of like Darth Vader and almost had a heart attack

2. Your sex life is strictly "Han Solo," if you know what I mean

1. You like Yoda so much, you voted for Ross Perot

Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say


But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return


I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
I don't know

Starting the day on the right foot

It's so dark outside... the rain is pouring so hard. This morning, the weather truly does reflect how my soul feels. Hopefully all the tears shed by the day will help wash away some of the anguish and sorrow. I actually did cry myself to sleep last night... haven't done that in a long time!

Take my broken heart and torn up soul out of the equation, today hasn't really started off badly. I saw Ron this morning while I was getting my car fueled up and got to talk to him a bit... I think he was getting breakfast at McDonalds (not really sure, didn't ask). At work, our point of sale system was completely down. Now typically, this is a catastrophically bad thing!!! The UPS that powered on the backup system was dead. Since I'm quite familiar with electrical circuit theory, I was able to get it fixed (well, "rigged" is a more accurate term) without much problem, so everything is up and running.

I'm confident that today and next week will be great!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

I Need More Strength

OK... I should be in bed again... instead I am pacing and thinking. Today I haven't eaten as much as I should have, I can't really sleep at all, my body aches (in all fairness, probably from the gym), I have a general feeling of light-headedness, yet am smiling all the while. My heart feels like it is fluttering, my stomach is rolling, yet my soul is flying with anticipation, excitement, hope, and fear (I'm obviously quite confused). I am paid to be a leader and communicator, yet I am unable to put together a few simple words for fear that they won't be right. Bigger yet, the fear they won't be received well.

I am a very practical guy... I like to have control over things... I like to make decisions without being dictated by emotion. I hate when emotions are completely overwhelming - I'm just not accustom to it. I prefer to have my wits about me! I'm supposed to be a tamer of armies (or so some would say, LOL)... why do I feel like such a little punk!? Heh!

I have worked so hard and sacrificed so much to get where I am... to have a stable career (somewhat)... to have financial freedom (to a large degree)... to be independent and confident (most of the time). But recently, I feel like a fish flopping around on the deck of a boat... not knowing if the next move by others will be to mercifully throw me back in the water, even more mercifully to stomp me on the head, or do nothing and let me continue not breathing.

If I were to discover absolute perfection that would make my time on this earth complete, I feel I may not possess the courage to lay it on the line and express the tremendous emotional rush I've been feeling inside. My entire world and my entire being could change with just a few words.

Too many decisions! I need my focus back... I don't know if I can afford to make too many more mistakes... my heart can't take anymore! I really just need to find a book of answers - all the answers in the world! LOL! :-)

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

When Things Fall Apart

I am so exhausted... physically, mentally, and emotionally. Not only that, I'm tired of feeling this way! It's getting old! I have so much to be grateful for (and I am), but this year has just not been the best.

Work just isn't what it used to be. I used to love being there... now I can't stand it. The powers that be (district and regional management) are no good at all. They're horrible! I've lost all of my confidence in the company simply because of the irresponsible things that they have done over the last few months. They make some of the worst decisions ever. It's almost as if they're purposely trying to tank the company. So needless to say, I'm at a point where I absolutely hate my job!

Socially, I don't get to hang out with my friends very often, as usual. I'm not seeing anyone, as usual. I'm so lonely. Do I drive people away? I always try to be there when others need help, I just wish I had someone that could be there for me too. I wish I had someone I could be close to and feel safe with. I've convinced myself that perhaps I'm simply undeserving of love, or even that I'm not meant to have anyone special in my life... I understand that is stupid and incorrect, but it's also has helped my broken heart survive (in an admittedly unhealthy way). I haven't been able to cry in a few years, but I feel that I could right now.

I try to have a positive outlook on things each day, and most of the time I feel fine. I'm just finding that it's getting more and more difficult each day to be happy. I feel that life has nothing more to show me. Something has to change! I don't know what though. I've recently been thinking about just packing up and leaving. Starting over from scratch somewhere far away.

Deep inside, my heart still is optimistic... at the same time, my heart is all torn up. I feel so broken. I don't know what to believe anymore. Anyway, all that being said, I'm still going to try to have a wonderful day and an awesome week! I hope something great can happen this year!

Monday, May 23, 2005

Congratulations Jennifer!

Jennifer, one of my younger sisters, just graduated from the University of Texas at Austin with a Bachelors of Arts in Mathematics! She's worked really hard over the last few years... I know at times she's been very frustrated... worried that she won't be able to do anything with a math degree. She kept on fighting though! She's interested in attending UT's Pharmacy School next!

So Jennifer, I wish you the best of luck with anything you choose to pursue, and you'll always have my full support! I'm so very proud of you!

Math runs strong in my family... my father has it, I have it, and my sister has it... LOL!

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Why is the rum gone?

I was excited to learn that on July 7, 2006, Pirates of the Caribbean: Treasure of the Lost Abyss (2005 working title) is slated to open! Johnny Depp returns as Capatin Jack Sparrow, accompanied by Daddy Jack played by Keith Richards.

What's funny about this is that in an interview last year, Johnny Depp said that one of his primary inspirations for Jack Sparrow's weird personality was Rolling Stone Keith Richards. I just hope old Keefo knows how to act!

If the movie is anything like the first, I'm sure it will be great!

Well! I’m actually feeling rather good about this. I think we've all arrived at a very special place, eh? Spiritually… Ecumenically… Grammatically?

Simple Plan - Addicted

I heard you're doing okay
But I want you to know
I'm a dick
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy but you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still a dick
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

I'm addicted to you

Friday, May 20, 2005

The Battle Within

Sometimes, when I'm tired especially, I just simply feel broken... feel that no one will ever really care or love me. There's so many things to be happy for (which I am); however, there's a part of me that simply enjoys pain. Not inflicting pain on others, just myself. I don't know why. I think it's a manufacturer's defect that no longer has any repair coverage... something I simply have to deal with.

I am genuinely happy with my life, I just sometimes can't escape the problems within. There's always a power struggle inside... the good typically wins, but the bad does have an occasional victory.

Josh once told me that I put myself in situations that I know won't work out so that I have an excuse to be miserable. I hope that's not true! He has also suggested that I stay away from love as it will only weaken my heart. I don't believe that though... I feel that surviving and coping with heartache has actually made me much stronger over the years!

I am optimistic that I will one day experience the great parts of love, and not just the pain (I think I got that part down pretty well now! LOL!) :-)

Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out

So if you're lonely,
You know i'm here waiting for you,
I'm just a crosshair,
I'm just a shot away from you
And if you leave here
You leave me broken shattered alive
I'm just a crosshair
I'm just a shot..then we can die

I know I wont be leaving here with you

I say don't you know
You say you don't know
I say... take me out
I say you don't show
Don't move time is slow
I say... take me out

I say you don't know
You say you don't go
I say... take me out

I know I wont be leaving here (with you)
I know I wont be leaving here
I know I wont be leaving here (with you)
I know I wont be leaving here with you

I say don't you know
You say you don't know
I say... take me out
If I move this could die
Eyes move this can die
C'mon...take me out

I know I wont be leaving here (with you)
I know I wont be leaving here
I know I wont be leaving here (with you)
I know I wont be leaving here with you

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Stevie B - Because I Love You

I got your letter
From the postman just the other day
So I decided to write you this song
Just to let you know
Exactly the way I feel
To let you know my love's for real

Because I love you
And Ill do anything
Ill give you my heart, my everything
Because I love you
Ill be right by your side
To be your light, to be your guide

If you should feel
That I dont really care
And that youre starting to lose ground
Just let me reassure you
That you can count on me
And that Ill always be around

Because I love you
My hearts an open door
Girl, wont you please come on in
Because I love you
Ill be right by your side
To be your light, to be your guide
Because I love you
Ill be right by your side
To be your light, to be your guide

Monday, May 16, 2005


I get some nice perks working at an electronics retailer. I get merchandise discounted, sometimes even straight from the manufacturer themselves (at ridiculously low prices, even free at times)... but my friend Ron has one of the best job perks, especially now. Ron is a manager at our local theater, Cinemark Tinseltown 20. He gets to preview movies before they're released to the general public.

That punk, Ron, just text messaged me that he's about to watch Revenge of the Sith in 30 minutes!!! I'm so JEALOUS!!! LOL! I have to wait two more days!!! Ahhhhh!!!

Why Not?

So, I'm often asked, "Why are you always happy?" I always answer, "Why not?" If I want to have a horrible day, I can. Personally, I'd rather have a great day. I can't control many of the events that will transpire throughout any given day. The only power I have over these events is how I choose to react to them.

For example, several weeks ago... one of your friends, who is one of the best people in the world, dies much too young... a great guy tells you (again) that he doesn't like and never will... you injure your knee so badly that anytime it moves in any way, it makes the worst noise you've ever heard... your boss's boss's boss is bothering the hell out of you... the ultra conservative judge denies you deferred adjudication and orders you to pay your traffic fine... etc (there's a few more things, I'll just leave it at that, you get the picture though)... all of this occurring in the course of a 24 hour period of time. Now I'm going to be honest, this was not the making of a great day; however, rather than let these events, which were outside of my control (maybe knee thing was self-inflicted), destroy me emotionally, I simply looked at what was going right in my life. I have a great job, many friends who care about me, fun ferrets, etc...

You only have control over so much. If you want to be miserable, go ahead. It's your right to feel how you choose. I choose to be happy! Why not?

Saturday, May 14, 2005

New to Jazz?

I enjoy listening to all kinds of music. One in particular is jazz. I find that most of my friends aren't really into it though. They just can't get the feel for it, I guess. Many of them have tried to add jazz to their own personal musical mélange but simply don't know where to begin.

Two fantastic albums I recommend are The Essence of Maynard Ferguson and Doc Severinsen & the Tonight Show Band, Vol 1. Most of the music on these two albums are very upbeat, so those who primarily listen to a lot of contemporary music should be able to appreciate this kind of jazz!

I love the all of the music on both of these albums, but my favorites would have to be Birdland and MacArthur's Park (Maynard Ferguson) and Sax Alley (Doc Severinsen).

Papa Roach - Scars

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand


I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

Just What I Needed

One of the best things about working at an electronics retailer has to be the slogans the company chooses.

When I first started, the slogan was "Imagine That." That was great! We're missing a camcorder... imagine that! Hey, wait a minute, the government is over-taxing me... imagine that! The eMachine display computer isn't booting up... imagine that!

Now, it's "Just What I Needed." Hey, you have an angry customer wanting to speak with you... just what I needed! The DirectTV feed isn't working... just what I needed. That customer doesn't want to buy anything but that open box computer, and he wants to know how much cheaper you can make it... just what I needed! I'm interested in a digital camera, but I'm not buying one today, can you tell me all about them... just what I needed!