Sunday, March 12, 2006

Stupidity Alert Level

One of my customer service associates, Matt, developed this "Stupidity Alert Level" system for the customer service counter (posted daily for the protection of customer service associates in the general office next to the customer service counter.) It's kind of a modified Department of Homeland Security Alert Levels... but for customer service associates. The levels vary from 1 (lowest level) to 7 (most severe level) based upon the incompetence of customers who like to create absurd issues just for the hell of it.

Level 1 - Inability to understand rebates.
Level 2 - Overwhelming sense of entitlement.
Level 3 - Average I.Q. < 100.
Level 4 - Difficulty tying shoes.
Level 5 - Not able to feed themselves.
Level 6 - Forgets to breathe often.
Level 7 - Drooling, babbling, bed-wetting morons.

Most Sundays usually run at a level 5, but we're currently holding strong at a level 4. Mondays are always the worst days though (as those who have ever worked at a customer service desk know.) Tuesdays, after a three day weekend, are always a level 7 for some odd reason. Never understood that one!


Rob Cas said...

I distinctly remember "ruining" some child's halloween because their pizza was 2 hours late once LOL...i know how those customers can get ;)

Anonymous said...

By 'rebate' do you mean the same thing as a refund. Given that I've just asked that, I guess I'm somewhere around one, veering toward two on a good hair day!


Frank said...

Bobby - Hehe! It's funny how some people over dramatize the smallest and dumbest things. :-P

Edward - A rebate is like a coupon you receive after purchasing something. You fill the coupon out with your name, address, etc... and you mail it off... in a few weeks you get a check for the coupon amount.

People at a level one don't know how to fill one out. Apparently knowing the answer to difficult questions such as "What is your name?" baffles a lot of people!

Anonymous said...

That's confusing! I don't think we have anything like that over here. Can I avoid falling into the level one category by pleading a cultural difference please?


Frank said...

LOL! You wouldn't even be classified on this chart... you're not stupid! Hell, 98% of our customers wouldn't even get classified on this chart. Only the stupid 2% end up on this. :-P

ROENTGEN said...

34 more hitpoints before I reach level 4 :-D

Frank said...

Hehe! Surely you wouldn't even register on this point board... you need to be stupid and rude to be placed on a particular level. :-P